'Re-Treat' Line of Body Care Products from Dylan's Candy Bar

Hey look, here's something newsworthy! Dylan's Candy Bar is releasing candy-flavored bath products!

Oh wait. This is completely not newsworthy at all.

Dylan Lauren does to candy what her dad did to collared knit shirts: slap on a label, mark it up 400%, and watch all the Lawn Guylanders lose their shit for it. This woman is the biggest fraud perpetrated on the American candy-eating public since everyone realized that Heath and Skor taste identical to one another.

PaperMag is all "oh her tiny figure! but she's addicted to sweets! INTRIGUING PARADOX!" I would like to direct your attention to this listing of what she eats in a day, the candy elements of which include "10-15 gummi bears" and "Six pieces of bubble gum" and a single "spoonful of Birthday Cake ice cream." Plus like four stalks of steamed broccoli and a piece of fish. No one who claims to be addicted to candy measures their gummi bears in anything but "handfuls" or "entire bags of.," or is able to clock in at 1500 calories a day. She's about as addicted to candy as Jessica Simpson is our nation's preeminent singer-songwriter.

Oh and for the record, Philosophy has been doing the flavored bath-products thing for, like, a decade, and with better packaging. In conclusion: Shut up, Dylan Lauren.

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