Kellogg's Froot Loops Cereal Straws [review]

During Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update, Seth Meyers called Kellogg's out for saying that Michael Phelps' marijuana use wasn't "consistent" with their image — some of Kellogg's products could only be the product of a stoner's dream (see video below):

You know everyone of your mascots is a wild-eyed cartoon character with uncontrollable munchies... I checked out your website, did you know you have a recipe for dessert nachos? And that you make cookie straws to drink the leftover milk out of the waffle cereal you also make? Every one of your products sounds like a wish a genie granted at a Phish concert. I mean, really.

It got us thinking — cookie straws? Oh right, those infamous Froot Loops Cereal Straws that came out in 2007. Well, we just had to try them out for ourselves.

Review

When you open the foil-lined pouch, you're immediately hit with that commonly-known smell that sugary artificially-flavored cereal has. You're like, alright, so it's basically Froot Loops, but in a straw shape. But here's the thing: they're not loaded with sugar and super-sweet like Froot Loops — each of the six-inch straws only clock in at 45 calories. Maybe Kellogg's realized what they were doing, inflicting this insane invention on children, so they cut back on the sugar and added a whole bunch of vitamins and nutrients to make them seem "healthy." As expected, there are tons of artificial colors and flavors, but get this: there's no high fructose corn syrup.

The existential cereal straw question

Here's the truly existential cereal straw question, a culinary conundrum, if you will: Are you supposed to drink a glass of milk with the straw, or are you supposed to finish off the milk leftover in a bowl of cereal? The bottom part of the cereal straw, when sitting in a glass of milk, gets all soggy, and that, we guess, is the point. Because it breaks down a little, it ends up flavoring the milk. The box clearly shows Toucan Sam holding a glass of milk with a straw in it. The problem is that after a few bites, it becomes too short, and it loses its utility as an actual straw.

So instead, are you supposed to use the cereal straw to drink the leftover milk in a cereal bowl? This scenario seems a little excessive. You've already eaten a bowl of cereal, so why would you eat what essentially is more cereal? If you know you're going to eat a cereal straw (or two), do you plan ahead and put less cereal in your bowl in the first place? These queries make my head hurt.

Not local

We have to ask: Why are these made in Greece? Doesn't America have wheat, sugar, and chemicals? Has Greece cornered the market on Yellow #6 and Polyglycerol Polyricinoleic Acid? So cereal straws are (gasp) un-American?

Conclusion

Our take: Froot Loops Cereal Straws are actually kind of okay. We have a whole boxful of these things left over, and we're not dreading eating them again (unlike when we reviewed Morningstar Veggie Bacon Strips — those went straight into the garbage). At least they won't go to waste. For the next week or so, we'll be happily breaking up the straws and eating them for breakfast. At $4.29 for a 8.8 oz box (that's like what? eight bucks a pound?), they're expensive, and not a good value at all.

In the end, it's just a stupid gimmick, an expensive novelty item. Just buy a box of Froot Loops.

Video: Saturday Night Live's Seth Meyers on Kellogg's

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