Anthony Bourdain Meets Sandra Lee, Is 'Sideswiped By Pure Evil'

bourdain-sandra-leeAt the premiere of Julie & Julia, Anthony Bourdain is drinking martinis, minding his own business, and feels a hand on his arm. He writes on his Travel Channel blog: "I turn and find myself looking straight into the deceptively attractive and reasonable looking face of Sandra Lee." How did the encounter go? "I'm pretty sure, judging by the vestigial ectoplasm on my jacket that I was sideswiped by pure evil."

In the past, Bourdain has made some disparaging comments about Sandra Lee: "This frightening Hell Spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker seems on a mission to kill her fans, one meal at a time." He's called her show "a war crime on television." He's called her food "collaborating with the enemy... just wrong... bad for the world. The exposure to it is dangerous." With reason, he should have been afraid for his life, or at least expected a stern talking-to. But Sandra Lee is a classy lady. He continues:

I'm paralyzed, wondering what the statute of limitations is on various things I may or may not have done twenty years ago. Sandra is talking. I know this cause her lips are moving and she's saying--overtly anyway, nice things. Like "You're a very naughty man," and she's chatting amiably with my wife... [I'm] frozen by the bizarreness of the moment which seems to go on forever as Sandra's hand wanders upward, tugs an ear lobe and asks if my ears are red yet. (They were.) Having had her way with me, she leaves the emptied husk of my carcass teetering at the table and moves on.

I felt like the victim of a drive-by shooting. "What just..happened?" I said with a weak, trembly voice. I looked around to see if anyone else had noticed the quiet but very thorough disembowelment that had just occurred. Nothing. It had looked, to anyone who'd care to notice, like any other cocktail party conversation--but I knew better. I had looked into those eyes. I'd seen. Oh, she was smiling all right, but I'm pretty damn sure you could have dragged a rusty butterknife across my carotid artery right there at the table and her expression would not have changed, maybe only the eyes, they'd roll over whiteas I geysered onto the chafing dishes.

Perhaps Bourdain will be fundamentally broken after being slimed with Sandra Lee's ectoplasm of evil. He did sort of make friendly with Rachael Ray after she said nice things about him on Nightline and sent him a fruit basket.

[A Drive by Shooting]

Tags: ,

One Comment

Comment Feed

  1. Ha! This just made my morning. :)

Leave a Reply

We welcome and encourage interesting, thoughtful, or amusing comments. First-time comments are held for moderation - think of it as "auditioning." Once your comment is approved, use the same name/email pairing, and your comments will appear instantly. Please follow basic etiquette: don't self-link or spam, don't troll, and don't leave unproductive non-contributions. For an avatar, register your email with Gravatar.

Creative Commons License

©2008-2010 Eat Me Daily