Miracle Whip to Strike Back at Stephen Colbert

miracle-whip-letterBack on October 15th, Stephen Colbert mercilessly mocked the hipster Miracle Whip campaign. Today the "bold marketing team at Miracle Whip" has taken out ads in newspapers (full size) announcing that they bought commercial time during every break on his show tonight. They write:

On Thursday, November 12, we will dominate the airspace on your show. With every commercial break, your viewers will be exposed to hardcore Miracle Whip attitude and revelry. You will see our legion of (as you call them) "mayo nay-sayers" snarfing sandwiches topped with our one-of-a-kind flavor in a very cool and totally hip way. They will be in your face and massively dope. It goes without saying, they WILL NOT TONE IT DOWN.

We're a little suspect, but there's only way to find out, and that's to tune in tonight.

Update 11/13/09: Here are the commercials Miracle Whip aired during The Colbert Report.

The full text of the letter

Dear Mr. Colbert,

Recently on your show, you tapped into a sore spot in our nation's psyche: the eternal struggle between mayonnaise and Miracle Whip. And surprisingly, for a man of your impeccable intellect, you've chosen the wrong side. A side doomed to a painful, drawn-out, utter and complete defeat. Like the Plantagenets in the Hundred Years' War. Or whichever one was the cat in "Tom and Jerry."

Mr. Colbert, we found your attacks a little harsh, occasionally funny, and at times, wholly inaccurate (for the record, our target is 18-35, not 34). But unlike most advertisers who are so mayo, who would back down at the slightest whiff of controversy, and pull their advertising from not just your show but from your entire network and all its sister entities -- we intend to do the opposite.

On Thursday, November 12, we will dominate the airspace on your show. With every commercial break, your viewers will be exposed to hardcore Miracle Whip attitude and revelry. You will see our legion of (as you call them) "mayo nay-sayers" snarfing sandwiches topped with our one-of-a-kind flavor in a very cool and totally hip way. They will be in your face and massively dope. It goes without saying, they WILL NOT TONE IT DOWN. And you will begin to see the soft, bland white walls of the mayo empire begin to collapse under the weight of its own whipped-egg pretentiousness.

Think about it Mr. Colbert. In a sense, we will own you.

We're on a mission. We're taking no prisoners.

We're raising Hell, Man.

THE BOLD MARKETING TEAM AT MIRACLE WHIP

[via the StarDestroyer.net BBS]

Update 11/13/09: Here are the commercials Miracle Whip aired during The Colbert Report.

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6 Comments

Comment Feed

  1. Bob Fingerman

    I'll say this: that's a funny, smart letter they wrote. Gotta love a reference to the Plantagenets. And I can say this with no bias one way or the other; I find mayonnaise and Miracle Whip to be equally repulsive.

  2. amy k

    Oh Miracle Whip, you don't mess with Colbert.

  3. Hilarious!

    Nice reference to Hellman's mayo at the end, too.

    I'm a mayonnaise gal, but I prefer handmade and fresh, thank you.

  4. Bri

    I agree with Bob, not a fan of either of the two. I'm a mustard man, even when the sandwich doesn't really call for mustard, but I will watch The Colbert Report just to see if they kept their word.

  5. Lauren Niedel

    Ok - So I grew up on Miracle Whip- but had boycotted them since they were affiliated with Philip Morris- They have since dare I say gone rogue and are no longer part of the conglomerate. I have still boycotted them out of principle and I have been purchasing "Salad Dressing" for the past 15 years or so.

    Since their commercials and their great sense of humor I have no choice but to end the boycott and purchase my beloved Miracle Whip once again!

    By the way the commercials were as fun to watch as the show itself!

  6. carter

    miracle whip tastes like bad mayo. like when milk expires.

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