In a truly bizarre profile in the New York Times' Styles section, we learn that Ruth Madoff, cookbook trademark infringer and potentially alleged co-conspirator to her husband's swindlings, has it really rough.

Banned from her florist in Amagansett and the salon she frequented for ten years, she recently "submitted to a voluntary freeze on all spending, except for essentials like food." But worse than that, she can't even eat out anymore in her Upper East side neighborhood: she still owes a $160 tab to Sette Mezzo (on Lexington near 70th) and she's unwelcome at Bella Blu (on the same block!) because her husband took one their regulars for $10 million. And she's wearing jeans. Jeans!

Bernie Madoff's trail of economic devastation continues! Kyra Sedgwick, after reportedly losing upwards to $50 million in Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme, is now shilling for Tropicana in print and in commercials.

It's sort of sad to see Sedgwick, wife of Kevin Bacon and Golden Globe-winner, resigned to shaking it, dancing around her kitchen to Tom Jones', "She's A Lady," for Tropicana's new light orange juice, Trop50, a Stevia-enhanced brew. Granted, she looks like she's having fun, and she's definitely got some moves, but we have to wonder: If it hadn't been for Madoff's swindling, would she be doing these commercials?

There's also a series of print ads, with Sedgwick photoshopped into a nearly unrecognizable version of herself, running in entertainment weeklies and magazines like Everyday with Rachael Ray and O — The Oprah Magazine. Naturally, she channels her inner spokesperson: "Tropicana is something that's been in our family for a long time, and I love the premise of Trop50 because it delivers the goodness of orange juice, but with just half the sugar and calories."

But even more bizarrely, the newly-retired Tropicana box design appears in the print and television ads — after the customer revolt you'd think that Tropicana would use the old/new-again design. Is it a snub to the consumers, or sheer laziness and cheapness on the part of PepsiCo?

The commercial and the print ad »

Jimmy Kimmel Live used Sesame Street to explain how a Ponzi scheme works, with the Cookie Monster as Bernie Madoff and Ernie as the innocent investor. Says Cookie Monster, "Me make you 40 percent interest."

The video »

Poor Bernie Madoff. Not only does everyone in the entire world completely hate him, but now that he's in jail, he has to eat crap:

Prisoner No. 61727-054 spent his first night at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in isolation in a special housing unit, known as "the box."

He munched on a microwaved meal of frozen chicken patties and canned string beans delivered to his cell in a Styrofoam container.

"Think of the worst school lunch you ever had," said a woman who visited another inmate at the lower-Manhattan jail yesterday. "The food that they give is like garbage."

As one veteran defense attorney, who has had several clients locked up in the jail, put it: "Le Cirque it ain't."

Chicken and string beans? Heck, that's more square than we usually have for dinner. Serve the guy store-brand cup noodles, some dried-out pre-shredded Kraft cheddar, and a plastic cup of sulfur-tinged tap water, then maybe we'll start feeling some sympathy. Maybe.

Not only was Ruth Madoff's cookbook, Great Chefs of America Cook Kosher, prevented from reprinting because of trademark infringement, but now the New York Times reports that she didn't even write it:

Karen MacNeil, a food and wine expert who was given the title of editor of the project, beneath the two executive editors — Mrs. Madoff and her friend Idee Schoenheimer — disclosed in an interview with The New York Times that she was paid to write the cookbook in its entirety. She said Mrs. Madoff “was interested in having her name on something that would allow for some sort of fun.”

“My understanding was that she entertained a lot in New York and kind of wanted to test some recipes just as a social thing to do with friends,” said Ms. MacNeil, a wine and food consultant in Saint Helena, Calif. “But in point of fact, I wrote the entire book.”

By now we all know that Ruth Madoff, wife of swindler Bernie Madoff was a cookbook editor, delivering to the world Great Chefs of America Cook Kosher, a 1996 collection of recipes from well-known chefs such as Daniel Boulud, Bobby Flay, Emeril Lagasse, David Burke, and Wolfgang Puck. We figured the book just went out of print due to lack of demand. But of course, in all things Madoff, it's more complicated than that.

A comment left by John Shoup on the Dallas News website about Ruth Madoff's cookbook getting blocked from reprinting piqued our interest:

Mrs Madoff stole the title using our registered trademark "Great Chefs". We ultimately got a cease & desist and they agreed not to reprint the bloody book.

Turns out that in 1983, the term "Great Chefs" was trademarked for a "Series of Cookbooks" (read the patent filing).

We were curious, so we tracked down John Shoup, chairman/CEO of Great Chefs Television, a company that produces a television series and publishes cookbooks and DVDs called "Great Chefs" (Great Chefs of the East, Great Chefs of the South, etc.).

Shoup replied:

Keep reading »

Bernie Madoff can't catch a break! Even his local restaurants know about his $50 billion swindle — and refuse to take his credit cards. Cindy Adams writes in the New York Post:

Bernie the Bum Madoff, while under house arrest last week, called for take-out one night. The Italian restaurant's maitre d'. who took the call told friends he said to Bernie the Bum: "No credit card. You'll have to pay upfront. Cash." The restaurant will not confirm the transaction.

We were shocked when we read that Ruth Madoff, wife of grade-A shitbucket Bernie Madoff, was a cookbook editor, but then we paused — why not? There's no real reason a love for gourmet food can't coexist with a penchant for securities fraud.

Along with co-authors Idee Schoenheim, who's done nothing else Google-worthy, and noted wine expert Karen MacNeil, Ruth Madoff gave the world Great Chefs of America Cook Kosher (available on Amazon), a 1996 collection of halacha-friendly recipes from then-big-ticket restaurants like LA's Campanile, Philly's Le Bec Fin, and San Francisco's now-closed China Moon Cafe, plus still-glowing star chefs like Daniel Boulud, Bobby Flay, Emeril Lagasse, David Burke, and Wolfgang Puck.

Despite the book's pedigree, it didn't make much of a splash — the publisher, Vital Media Enterprises, was a one-off Jewish-interest outfit without too much reach, and Great American Chefs doesn't show up online on any of the myriad roundups of beloved kosher cookbooks. All four of the user reviews of the book on Amazon were left within the last week, and most rely heavily on cookbook/"cooking the books" puns.

The Forward notes that in a press release for 'Great Chefs,' Ruth's co-author Idee Schoenheimer "explained how Ruth tested the so-called healthy dishes and disqualified those made with cream: 'Ruth was our conscience.'"

Lest you be concerned that Ruth profited on the backs of these chefs, take consolation in the fact that the book's sales were earmarked to benefit the Jewish National Fund. But, har har, there's no word on whether the funds actually paid out.