Photograph via The Hypothetical Library

What kind of wedding present do you get for the couple who has everything (or whose wedding you forgot about)? You can do what poet Jennifer L. Knox did and give them a copy of Mark Bittman's How To Cook Everything (buy it) with Bittman's name scratched out and your own name written in with a sharpie. And if you're as awesome as Knox, you could also glue in a new introduction telling an inspirational, heartwarming story, which features throwing acid in bears' faces, Partridge Family tattoos and nude bowling on acid.

See the rest of Knox's handiwork (including the introduction) after the jump:

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Competitive eater Takeru Kobayashi, in a recent blog post, informed the public that he's having jaw issues. Google's translation capabilities aren't that hot, but sometimes what comes out is unintended poetry:

In deciding to eat is not prepared to break the jaw

And there was a conflict while eating.

I do believe that can be! And so it is

The embarrassing truth is conflict.

[via]

Darjeeling’s
Appealing

Espresso
No less so.